Skurril Beminnen : Part I

I could never have imagined life to turn this way, even in the wildest of my dreams. But, it is not in the nature of life itself to take steadfast courses. I could have never thought that I would develop such disgust with someone I loved.

It started back in 2007. I had just passed out of my engineering college. I had started working with a software company in Noida. And henceforth began the monotonous life of a software developer. I hailed from Lucknow-the city of Nawabs. Nawabs died and it was all inhabited by commoners. In fact, even the Nawabs might never have descended to the common household. Don’t know why still it is called so. Anyways, I was placed straight from the campus, which not many people are not fortunate enough to be, and was working. And ironically, it was all mechanical. Starting up from my flat in Indirapuram at 8, reaching office at quarter to 9, being confined to my cubical for the next eight hours, with lunch hour and pee-breaks inclusive; and thus became life or whatever. I never liked this. I always missed my home back in Lucknow, my mother and home-cooked food.

I was always a flocking bird. But here; everyone, almost everyone was very much into their own selves. And it was then that I was realizing the grimness of cut-throat corporate life. This continued for another six months or so and then on one of those another pissed morning she entered through the front door. I was standing there just about to check in. I overheard her asking Shaheen, the snob receptionist, about the way to the Process Department. I could clearly hear the loud Shaheen telling her to follow me (Perhaps she had pointed towards me too). I turned, and yes I was right. She was coming towards me. I saved her from any awkwardness she might face in talking to a stranger, and said,

  ‘May I help you?’

  ‘Yes actually I was coming to you only. The receptionist had directed me to follow you, Sir.’

 'My name is Vishal Roy. You can call me Roy. And yes I am sure that girl wouldn’t have mentioned “Sir”.’

A big smile appeared on her face. It was mystic. There was something about her. I was enchanted.

  ‘Hello Roy. I am Renuka. Renuka Bisht. I am new here, into the Process Department. Are you in the same one? I mean could you direct me to it, if at all that wouldn’t bother?’

  ‘Aah, not at all. Come with me, I am in the same department.’

For the first time the same gloomy ambience seemed so illuminated. Her smile was divine. I was captivated by her charm.

I led her to the department and took her to Mr. Prakash Charturvedi, Manager (Process).

And it wasn’t late enough that that the brainless huge head began blabbering,

 ‘Welcome aboard Miss Bisht. You are a part of the team now. We have the legacy of commitment and determination. Now it’s your responsibility to blah blah blah blah…’

That was exactly how I heard it. But she still donned that smile on her face.

 ‘...Roy, would be your associate here’, this I clearly heard. I guess my ears were following some selective algorithm. That was the first time I truly wanted to thank him. Otherwise, he just wanted us to be thankful for he provided us with the opportunity to work under his aegis.

 ‘Roy, get her acquainted to the place and colleagues.’

 ‘Yes sir’, I nodded meekly.

And the crocodile went back to his hide. I directed Renuka to her cubicle, which was luckily juxtaposed to mine. I was elated. For the first time in those sullen premises, I met someone who reflected some good vibes. There was a pleasant aura all around her.

 ‘So you are Bengali?’

Her voice was agryable. It soothed my ears which had been badly hit by the routine noises of the premises.

 ‘No. I mean yes, I am a Bengali, but we had been living in Lucknow for generations.’

 ‘Aah. Rossogullas’

 ‘What?’

 ‘Nothing. Nothing.’ And she turned to her desk.

We developed a good bond over the time. You generally do when you are working in the same premises, in fact being at proximity to each other. We used to work together. Go for lunch together. And most importantly giggled together on silly jokes and she laughed at my one-liners, which I was always rebuked for, for most people found them imprudent. But she would laugh with all her heart on the same one. I believed, perhaps she was the only one who could understand them.

She was friendly and fun to be around with. She seemed to be my oasis in that desert of humanly 

connections. As time passed, I got to know about her. She was a complete package- caring, affectionate, authoritative, intelligent.

It had been eight months of working together. Although I had been doing the same work, life was not monotonous anymore. It had suddenly become more vivid. She was the reason for it. I was starting to have feelings for her. It was new for me. I had never felt this way for someone, ever before. Whenever she took leave from the office, it would seem as if the colors that she put onto the bleak wall of my life, had been bleached and those eerie walls have resurfaced, only with even more ghastly appearances. I had started liking her immensely. And then one day, I proposed my love to her.

  ‘What?! Roy I have a boyfriend. I am in live-in relation with him.’

  ‘But, you never mentioned of him ever.’

  ‘Because, I never wanted to… Look Vishal, I respect your feelings and you had always been a great support. But, I… I just cannot.’

Saying these words she turned back to her desk. I was not in senses. Perhaps, felt missachtet and betrayed. Whom could I blame? Actually there was no one to. How could she ever not tell this to me? I thought we were friends. But then I got reminded of what a friend said to me once,

“One can only try to, but never become a woman’s friend. No one can understand a woman. A woman is a book of mysteries.”

The following week we had least of conversation. And then I realized that it was better with her. What if I couldn’t get her love, we could still continue to be friends. And hence I approached her.

  ‘Renu, look I am sorry. I had actually started enjoying your company, and didn’t realize when this thing rose in me. I am sorry. Being in the same room as you were in, and still not talking to you is what pains me more. I understand that we cannot be together. But at least we could continue to be friends. Things might not remain the same as before, but give me a try. I shall put in efforts to not hurt you ever again.’

  ‘I respect you Roy. You had been a gem of a friend to me. Neither do I want to lose such a good friend,’ and she smiled.

That smile was what had put me into that situation. I loved her smile. My heart was galloping, and it was audible. I had, as if, won a battle and my asinine heart was rejoicing and dancing.

Things had started getting back to normal, and I too worked to not let my feelings to resurface. Then one day I saw her bent over her desk and in a very haphazardly manner searching for something. I went to her and said, ‘Hello!’

She replied with a docile ‘Hi!’ without making much effort and still bent over her desk. Something was wrong. This mechanical ‘Hi’ was devoid of her genial smile. And this wasn’t something like her, the one that I had known over the past thirteen months. She still was pretty much engrossed in herself as if unaware of my presence- existence rather.

  ‘What’s wrong Renu?’

  ‘Chetan is not well. Listen, I need to go. It’s urgent.’

  ‘Okay. But…’

Before I could say a word of concern, she was away. I couldn’t even say a “Bye” to her. I cared the least about her boyfriend. All I cared about was her. I didn’t give her a call, thinking it wouldn’t be wise enough. She didn’t come the following day. And I waited still. The next day I gave her a ring. She picked the phone. And before I could even complete my “Hello”, she started yelling at me-

  ‘(Do) you think you can come between me and Chetan? Don’t disturb by calling again. Chetan is sleeping.”

And she hung up the phone. This was strange. This wasn’t her. Something was wrong. It wasn’t her disposition to yell at people. I waited for another week. This had started to take a toll on me, because deep inside I knew I still loved her. I didn’t know who this Chetan guy was; and how things were between them. He might be unwell but I had no trust on him. I hadn’t ever met him personally. Renuka had actually only once shown a picture of his, but she never brought him down to meet. And if ever I asked where she lived, she would always evade or say that Chetan wouldn’t like it. I used to get pissed even the more. What a snob. What kind of a boyfriend was he? Was he a boyfriend or dictator? But then I always said, “Okay”. 

[TO BE CONTINUED]